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[文章修改] 作文首尾升格实例1

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飘渺九月 发表于 2022-9-18 23:03:46 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式 来自- 保留地址
天空便利贴:这里是语文的天堂,也是文学的乐园。如有原创或喜欢的文章,可推荐发表,供坛友欣赏提高。您的热情和才华是天空论坛最大的财富。
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作文首尾升格实例12022-09-10 06:56·你的作文首尾我来改


一、评语:
1.优点:立意新颖,语言比较生动,结构比较严谨。
2.缺点:视角不太合适,语言啰嗦,中心不太突出。
二、升格示例:
1.中心:我是主人在小学时的坏习惯,却在初中屡次受到阻拦,遇到了危机。
2.开头:我是主人在上小学时的坏习惯,曾经让主人挨批,曾经让主人退步,曾经让主人变差,却在主人上初中后马上要被他的老师消灭掉了,遇到了危机。
3.结尾:我曾经是主人身上的坏习惯,使主人变差,使主人退步,使主人挨批,但我马上就要被他的初中老师消灭掉了,遇到了危机,呜呜呜……


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    • 你的作文首尾我来改作者

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      一、评语 1.优点:语言比较生动,结构比较严谨。 2.缺点:中心表述不合适,不够突出,叙事视角不太合适,比喻句有的地方不合适。 二、升格示例 1.中心:我要坚持做好生活中的每一件事,使我自己更出彩。 2.开头:有人说生活像大海一望无际,有人说生活像白云飘忽不定,有人说生活像冬季冷峻无比,而我觉得坚持就像指南针,使我找到方向,使我的生活更出彩。 3.结尾:像冬季冷峻无比的是生活,像白云飘忽不定的是生活,像大海一望无际的是生活,而我觉得像指南针一样指示方向的是坚持,他使我的生活更出彩。













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任筱静202091 发表于 2023-9-27 21:49:09 | 显示全部楼层 来自- 中国北京
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