作文首尾升格实例1

作文首尾升格实例12022-09-10 06:56·你的作文首尾我来改

一、评语:

1.优点:立意新颖，语言比较生动，结构比较严谨。

2.缺点:视角不太合适，语言啰嗦，中心不太突出。

二、升格示例:

1.中心:我是主人在小学时的坏习惯，却在初中屡次受到阻拦，遇到了危机。

2.开头:我是主人在上小学时的坏习惯，曾经让主人挨批，曾经让主人退步，曾经让主人变差，却在主人上初中后马上要被他的老师消灭掉了，遇到了危机。

3.结尾:我曾经是主人身上的坏习惯，使主人变差，使主人退步，使主人挨批，但我马上就要被他的初中老师消灭掉了，遇到了危机，呜呜呜……

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    你的作文首尾我来改作者
    
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    一、评语 1.优点:语言比较生动，结构比较严谨。 2.缺点:中心表述不合适，不够突出，叙事视角不太合适，比喻句有的地方不合适。 二、升格示例 1.中心:我要坚持做好生活中的每一件事，使我自己更出彩。 2.开头:有人说生活像大海一望无际，有人说生活像白云飘忽不定，有人说生活像冬季冷峻无比，而我觉得坚持就像指南针，使我找到方向，使我的生活更出彩。 3.结尾:像冬季冷峻无比的是生活，像白云飘忽不定的是生活，像大海一望无际的是生活，而我觉得像指南针一样指示方向的是坚持，他使我的生活更出彩。

    
    
    
    
    
  
  
  
  
  

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看在楼主的面子上，认真回帖！

九中有这样的老师和学生真是了不起